You know but you are never ready: Dementia stinks

steepdeclineI have mentioned how often I’m asked about my Mom and I never seem to have a positive answer. I try to remind myself just to thank the person for asking instead of sharing any one of the negative thoughts clouding my mind.

I knew my Mom was going to decline, but as we were on the brink of moving her into a memory care community, her sudden change has thwarted the one positive thing my siblings and I were working toward. She is now unable to move on her own and is mostly bedridden. That is a stark contrast to the woman who was walking the halls just two weeks ago.

Thank you for the kind notes from my fellow bloggers: Mrs. Hsg with Before I forget who has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s; Joy Johnson with The Memories Project who started her blog as a tribute to her father who suffered from dementia and then needed to care for her mom who was battling cancer; Hallie Swift with A Swift Current who artfully shares her tales of caregiving and loss;  Mariarose of With and Without Her who recently lost her mom to dementia; Sandra Ross with Going Gentle Into That Good Night who shares her knowledge and experience generously; and the many others who aren’t bloggers but reached out. THANK YOU. This journey is tough and hearing from those of you who have gone through it, know it’s coming, or shared encouragement reminds me how much I benefit from this blog emotionally.

We know they are declining, but you never expect the sudden drops that unfortunately, are all too frequent. We also have seen some moments of clarity over the last few days, but know that the inability to manage for herself is gnawing away at my Mom’s will to continue. Shocked. 


8 comments on “You know but you are never ready: Dementia stinks

  1. Hugs and prayers continue for your mom, you and your sibs, Kay. You are not walking through this alone. Ever. Lots of love.

  2. Thank you for mentioning my writing in your post. Your mom’s sudden turn is so shocking, and I do believe in the power of the will to live. In some ways, I thought that was what happened with my mom…she didn’t live those extra 2-3 years the nurses expected… which would have been horrendous…I like to think my mother found a way to say “no” to that…though I was bereft by her leaving us, I knew she finally got her wish. Love to you, Hallie

  3. I know just what you are going through. A week ago my mother stopped eating, slept non stop and didn’t recognize me. I warned my siblings that the end was near. Then she got “better”–awake, able to feed herself, and relatively alert. I know she will slide back again. Not sure what the answer is but you are definitely not alone.

  4. Barring any change in medications as a cause, this sure is a disturbing and unfortunate change of condition. I’m so sorry to hear this latest news. Dementia is a moving target, to be sure: just when you think you’ve caught up with it, it moves in a different direction.

  5. Hi Kay, I am so sorry to hear your mom is in a sharp decline. It seems many of you bloggers with family and dementia are declining together at this very moment. I don’t know if you have discovered the blog of Lisa and her mom, but it may help you now, too. Her latest blog is http://mysweetpeanut.com/2014/10/27/thank-goodness-monday/. I, too just took care of my mother-in-law with dementia this weekend and have noticed a sharp decline. It’s very depressing and tough on us. I’m so glad we can connect this way.

  6. I’ve learned so much from other bloggers going through similar experiences, and am so eager to support others. We are here for you!

  7. […] and positive. While my mom still doesn’t know her name, she willingly allows her to help now. My mom ended up in a wheelchair after her steep decline. She just lost the strength/confidence she could walk. The wheelchair has forced my mom to accept […]

  8. […] me find a new community that would be better suited to my mom’s needs. They knew we were days away from moving my mom when she suddenly declined after receiving pain medication and the swift move into hospice care. When I report that my mom has improved and has just […]

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