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It takes all four of us to manage the move

fourkids (2)The past year has made me regret not having more than two children. Since I grew up with four kids in my family, I always believed I would have four children myself. That was until I had the first one! He was a tough baby, or possibly, I was an ill-prepared mom.

I started late, having my first at 33, so that by the time I was ready and actually did get pregnant, my second arrived to a 38-year-old mother. Given all the high-risk discussions and the additional needs just a second child brought, my husband and I felt for us, it was too late to have more. I am lucky to have two healthy kids.

On the day of the move with my parent’s, we can barely manage my mom between the four of us. Our game plan was that two of us would give our parents a specific task to keep them busy while the other two would manage the move and movers. My mom always behaved nicer when there were two children in front of her — she would often bully you if you showed up alone.

When the movers arrived we have them start with the bedroom. While they are loading up the furniture, we task our parents to decide which sofa set they want in the new apartment. My sister and I invite my dad to go to the new apartment.  My mom is furiously trying to redirect the movers. My dad invites my mom along and she comes with us to the new apartment. Our job is to kill time so the movers can move.

After we linger in the apartment, we suggest getting lunch. On our way to the dining room, my mom sees their furniture being moved down the hall and takes off for their old apartment. My dad decides to follow me into the lunch room. My sister takes off to the old apartment after my mom.

My dad and I order lunch and try to find a topic to discuss. It’s only been two hours since breakfast so I’m unable to really eat anything. I know if I don’t eat, my dad won’t eat so I try to at least fill up my plate with a salad and some fruit and move it around on my plate.

My dad is ready for this move and does not want to fight it. My mom is making him very uncomfortable. I ask if he will come with me to the grocery store and we can pick up some of his favorites snacks for the new apartment. He agrees.

My mom and sister make their way to lunch and we tell them of our plans. We invite my mom along with us. She is not interested.

We all go back to the apartment and my mom is very upset. She keeps trying to tell the movers to put the furniture back and runs to the office of the Executive Director. I leave my mom to my siblings to manage and take my dad out to shop. Wandered.

5 comments on “It takes all four of us to manage the move

  1. I really feel everyone’s sadness, and the difficulty of the situation… thank goodness your dad has accepted the move. Your mum reminds me of my cats who fights every inch of the way to going into the cage to go to the vet… they cry all the way, and hiss and spit and sometimes sulk afterwards. At least they get to come back to their home. Your dear mum seems to be stuck in the denial and anger stage of her grief – and therefore unwilling to accept or even acknowledge what is happening. I definitely feel her pain, and saw this with my father in law. It is HEARTBREAKING for everyone. Sorry to ramble, just the thoughts that came into my head when reading your blog today.
    With love and hope, always.

  2. […] It takes all four of us to manage the move (dealingwithdementia.wordpress.com) […]

  3. When we moved Mom to asst. living my husband and I took 2 weeks to go through everything after we got her furniture that would fit in the apt, and we through away tons of stuff and had a mover move the extra furniture to our 4 car garage. When it came time to move from Asst. to nursing home, I did it differently. I had my brother come to town and take mother out to eat and shopping. I got packers in and we marked everything garage or nursing home. Nursing home got moved first and I was left to unpack, and garage, my husband was waiting to have them pack more stuff into this garage. When my brother brought mother back to her new apartment, all her art was hung, her clothes and dresser unpacked and her bathroom set up. Nothing to do but enjoy. that was so much easier than the slower but steady way. So glad you did it the fast way.

    • When the leftovers are strew all around us and we are trying to work out way through those. All the more that makes me appreciate being one of four. I can’t imagine trying to do this alone.

      Best, Kay

  4. […] a second wave of emotional turmoil that will arrive as swiftly as the first one disappeared? My mom was so difficult to manage during the actual move that I’m waiting for her to […]

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