6 Comments

Step One: Spend the Time to Explain


My sister and I were very impressed by the doctor who sat my parents down and spent over an hour with them trying to explain why she is so concerned for their safety.

Our visit begins with my mom, dad and sister huddled into one exam room. I’m not really sure what is going to happen. While I was parking the car, my sister and mom went to the appointment. My dad waited for me at the hospital entrance and we arrived late. When we arrive, the care manager is briefing my sister. We haven’t had a chance to talk so this is really the beginning of the appointment for me and I have no idea what’s going to happen.

The medical technician comes in and starts doing a general assessment of my mom. Do you have any medical conditions? My mother responds, “No. I haven’t even had a cold in more than 20 years.” I swore I would keep my mouth shut but wonder if this guy really wants her medical history. At one point my sister shares that my mom had a stroke. My mom starts to derail the assessment by wondering what the symptoms of a stroke would be. My dad quickly jumps in and asks my mom just to answer the questions.

When we get to my dad, we have a similar issue. My dad reports no issues, yet he broke a hip two years ago and has a pin in his leg, and also takes a host of medicine for some other minor issues. I’m still wondering if this is even important. They have access to all their medical records.

It takes the medical technician an extraordinary amount of time to get through the questions. At one point, I had to turn my head because I started to laugh. I thought I might be in an Abbott & Costello movie.

The technician leaves. We can hear him talking in the hallway and within a few minutes the doctor arrives. She’s got a calm demeanor and a warm smile.

She introduces herself to my parents and reminds them how she met them. She starts by sharing that she is a woman of faith. She tells the story of meeting them in the Emergency Room at a hospital across town on a Thursday. They were lost and confused. The following day, at a different hospital, my parents show up again in the ward where she was assigned. Again they were confused. She couldn’t believe that they showed up in her care two days in a row in two different hospitals. She tells them she is very concerned for their safety and is going to recommend that the DMV rescind their licenses.

My mom applies a variety of methods to divert the conversation.

“All my children aren’t here; I won’t have this discussion until all of my children are here.” The doctor tells her, “Okay, let’s meet on Monday and we can set up a call to get them on the phone.”

“What if there is an emergency?” “There is a service, you know the button device you can wear, that gives you the ability to call for help from anywhere” replies the doctor.

“It should be our decision, not our children’s, that if we drive or not.” The doctor tells her that we have nothing to do with this. This is her recommendation.

The care manager has been taking notes to summarize what was discussed so my parents can sign it. At one point, the doctor reads the summary and explains each point. My dad signs the form. My mom refuses to sign and the arguments begin anew.

The doctor reminds her that they have the ability to decide how they want to live and how they will manage to do the things they want without driving. She tells them she’s looking forward to hearing their plans when they meet again in two weeks.

We finished the meeting. My dad hands my sister his car keys and starts to wonder where he parked his car. We remind them I drove. The ride home is quiet, but thankfully short. I am not sure what we will find when tomorrow comes. Witnessed.

6 comments on “Step One: Spend the Time to Explain

  1. You are making HUGE progress and handling it with the grace, dignity and respect your parents deserve. It is the hardest thing we will ever due. No one said it was easy raising parents, right? Keep it up! We are all pulling for you and here for you!
    Butch

  2. Doctors, nurses and children, all moving forward, one step at a time, all shining bravely with love for your care and support of your parents xx

  3. […] Within a week of changing to the role of observer, the social worker calls me to meet and tells me they are working to help my parents. When the doctor walked in and started with “I’m a woman of faith,” I took notice. […]

  4. […] left it there when he picked his up – probably using a second set of keys. We later learned that the set of keys that dad so solemnly handed over to my sister in front of the doctor had been mom’s set of keys, not his […]

  5. […] when she ran into my parents in two different hospitals on two different days that not only did she sit my parents down and try to explain what was going on but she gave them time to find a solution. She told them she was submitting the […]

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